Saturday, April 30, 2011

Land of the long flat white

Lance is right. It's not about the bike.

It's about the coffee.

Since when was it ever about the bike? Silly, skinny, misguided roadies.

I digress, as part of my feeble quest to become a 'legit' roadie, I have been pondering the remarkable correlation between cyclists and coffee consumption. Perhaps the ability to shot consecutive short blacks is the weak man's substitute for failing to grind a 32-16 up 3 Mile Hill? Even if you have mastered this mean feat, becoming a coffee connisseur is an essential rite of passage in becoming a legit road biker, mountain biker, downhiller, 4X'er, singlespeeder, fixxie, trackie, commuter, poser... whatever.

My limited statistical training cautions me however, in being quick to imply causation. It would be ridiculous to infer that we drink coffee because we ride bikes. That's like saying Rodney Hide was rolled because ACT lacked leadership..

We drink coffee because we ride bikes. Merely a correlation?
Not quite...

Last September, my flat and I conceived a cunning challenge: Sacrifice September. We each had to forego a terrible habit for the month, with the sorest loser shouting a round of drinks on the 30th. The sacrifices ranged from the meek to the essential. For me it was coffee (essential), an un-named flattie, sexual exploits (a meek sacrifice indeed), and everyone else... somewhere in between.

Unnamed flattie failed on all accounts, and I survived a week before sliding into an all-consuming abyss of...well...having to buy drinks at the end of the month, by a long shot (scuse the pun).

My justification? I couldn't function without drinking it. Why? My weekends consisted of this:

Saturday: 3 or 4 hours of training. Coffee,Carb, Protein. 5 hours of study. Dinner, Study, Bed
Sunday: 3 or 4 hours of training. Coffee, Carb, Protein. 4 hours of study. Dinner, Movie, Bed

Other than studying on a Saturday night being pretty pathetic, can you see what is wrong with this equation - what would happen if you took coffee out? The whole damn thing would fall apart! X hours of study would be substituted for Y hours of a pathetic attempt to stay awake, copious amounts of lethargy and worst of all, wrong answers. I would have failed for sure.

Hypothesis proved. Honours in Statistics firmly, but politely declined.

Despite my newly acquired short-term disability, my demand for coffee is still highly inelastic. For you lefties out there, pick up any Economics textbook and have a good hard look at what this means. In fact, so inelastic that this morning I spent the good part of 20 minutes home barista'ring these puppies for my parents and I, courtesy of some Caffe L'affare Primo:

The secret to a great brew

The big one's for Dad. 2 sugars, stirred with love.

Next in my coffee blog series will be an analysis of Wellington's finest. Not only is it home to Rt. Hon John "I'm The F*n Man" Key, but it is also the coffee culture capital... of the land of the long flat white.


  1. The handle will break off your stovetop pot. Everyone I know has broken their handles off. Then oven gloves become your friend. Or if you are Bony Tony, you throw it away and stick with tea.

    Hope your legs is getting better dude!


  2. Tea!? A terrible idea, what is Tony thinking???

    Would it make a difference in your prediction if I were to tell you the stovetop is Italian made? This could prove to make all the difference.

    Leg is getting stronger daily. Should be back on the horse in 3 weeks. Cheers for the well wishes, hope RTI isn't giving you un-necessary work!